.. being the first man to take a virgin. He dumped me as soon as it was over. I was so upset with myself for being so stupid and blind that I gave up looking for love." But I couldn't give up sex... "I'd developed this potent sexuality during my late teens because of my love and lust for the big man and my fascination with the sensuousness of sex. In my mid to late twenties, it drove me to need to feel a man inside me every so often. So, I went out and found the least physically unthreatening men I could who still attracted me. I made them understand and agree that a quick fuck was all I wanted from them. And once it was over, I never saw them again, and I never told them my name." OK ... you're a little shocked at that ... understandable... "When I had that chance encounter with the big man, I just hoped that he would be attracted to me enough that I'd be able to seduce him. I never expected him to instantly desire me more than any woman he'd ever met ... and then fall in love with. ”Matt nodded. Sandra proceeded to tell him that she had to push him away because of his optimism that they would always be together, because she didn’t feel that way anymore and because he couldn’t or refused to see what was happening despite her dropping so many hints by dating the other boys. Those other boyfriends were of course just lip service to the society that they lived within.By the end of her confession, she felt that she had come clean, she had told him, after all these years, why she did what she did. She glanced sideways at him and wondered whether her explanation was good enough, whether it had hurt him even more, whether it was acceptable to be selfish and whether he thought she did it for the right reasons. Even she didn’t know, anymore, whether she did anything for the right reasons but she knew it was selfish of her. And yet, was it selfish to deny her body the pleasures that Melanie and Melissa gave her all those years ago.“Ces’t la vie,” he had said, shrugging his.
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